I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
