we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He felt like a one man threesome
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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