when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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