Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
