loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
