We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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