You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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