I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
