Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
