Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
