I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
