Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
