We're facebook friends in real life
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
