There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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