What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
