just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
