Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I party with great urgency now.
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