just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
