I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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