so that wasnt chicken after all
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
