I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My vagina is officially offended.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
