I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
