Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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