and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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