Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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