Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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