I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
