if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
