you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
