Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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