and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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