Non-Jews are for practice
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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