I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
