Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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