Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
