id be glad to
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
