Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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