Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
