JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
