Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she woke up with a sticky ear
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
