I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
