The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i think my cat just said my name.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
