therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
