How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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