my soul wont recognize me after tonight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
