His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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