So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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