dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
