Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
