If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
