She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
