is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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