I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
