YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
