Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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