How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
