Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
