oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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