And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
