we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
