the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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