I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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