my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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