just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
