I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
