In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
