he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
