but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
