Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
