i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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