We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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