Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
