Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
