everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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