I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
