I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
