haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
