I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
