anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Green mimosas i think yes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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